When Characters Act On Their Own

One of the most amazing things about writing is watching in amazement as your characters take on a life of their own. It's incredible and utterly bizarre, and it never ceases to take me by surprise.

In my magical novel that is being beta read, two characters randomly became related. It was unexpected but the second I realized it, it was hard to imagine their relationship any other way. Now, I have been working on that version of the novel for a year and a half, and much of that time has been spent editing. I didn't have any huge character-altering moments during the long, long editing process, or at least if I did, it was early enough on that I don't remember it.

While my magical novel is being read, I am working on a first draft of an entirely different story. This one has ghosts in it. I'm only one chapter into it (a teething six-month-old doesn't leave much time for writing) but it's been mulling around in my mind a great deal since I began writing it. I'm a planner, and I have a somewhat sparse outline of what it's going to be like. There is the main character, her childhood friend, and their love interests who have been integral players in the notion of this book since it first appeared in my mind all that time ago.

Yesterday I suddenly realized that the friend is transgender. I mean, of course she's transgender. It's obvious, really. One of those "How did I ever not notice it to begin with?!" moments.

Writing is amazing.

A More Experienced Writer

I have written two first chapters before. The first Chapter One I ever wrote was in the first version of my book, which was written from two different points of view. Chapter One of version one was written from the POV that I eliminated in my second version. It was my first ever attempt at writing a novel. Back then, I would start each writing session rereading what I had written before and revising. It didn't take too long for me to realize the impossibility of writing something the length of a novel in that fashion, but when I wrote that first chapter, I did not know that yet. I read and reread that chapter each time I started to write.

Then I wrote my second version of that book, entirely from the POV of the older character. When I wrote that first draft, I only changed a few details of the second chapter from the first version (the first chapter in that version from the older character's viewpoint). About a third of the way through, I realized that chapter was lacking something and I entirely rewrote it. It ended the same way, but the majority of the chapter was entirely new, and much better.

I have written one book. I have written it twice, and the second version did end up being surprisingly different from the first, but those original Chapter Ones were pulled from the first version of the book. I had a deep desire for them to be perfect. For my writing to start out with a polished, flawless beginning that would help guide my fingers to produce the rest of the book.

Now I know better.

I am starting a new book. My previous one is being read by my beta readers. It is the fifth draft of the second version of my book. It is not the final one. Once I get the feedback from my beta readers, I will read over it (cringing, I expect), mull over their suggestions, and decide what changes need to be made. I will make them, and then read the whole thing out loud and hopefully then will feel confident enough to begin querying agents. But for the next two months, I have nothing to do with that book. It is in others' hands, and not for me to dwell on.

So, I am writing something else. I have lots of notes about the story, along with various things I need to research. But this evening, I sat down and began Chapter One.

And I am amazed at how unconcerned I feel about making it perfect. My complete overhaul of what I believed to be a perfect beginning vastly improved my book. I am confident that I can redo any imperfections in this brand new Chapter One in subsequent drafts.

Draft One, Chapter One does not need to be anywhere near perfect. It just needs to start me writing the story.

I tend to think of myself as just an aspiring author, someone who is writing but isn't a proper author yet since I'm not published, and therefore an amateur. And there are certainly ways that I am very much an amateur. But I am surprised to find that I am much less of one than when I started writing three years ago. Writing is a journey, and I am so pleased to be walking its path.

Weight Does Not Equal Worth

"Mommy, do you exercise so you don't get fat?"

Words spoken so innocently by my four year old daughter as she watched me stretch after my twenty minutes of Zumba this morning.

I was quick to explain to her that no, I exercise so I don't get sick and so I am less tired. Also, I genuinely enjoy it. Not just the exercise itself, but the feeling of my muscles all day long after I've exercised them.

I have never expressed a need to lose weight to my children. I have two daughters, and I desperately want them to somehow manage to go through life without worrying about their weight. I would, secretly, like to lose weight. I am eighty pounds heavier than I was before I had my three children, and I don't particularly like my body right now. I did just have my last baby less than three months ago, so some body discomfort is to be expected. And I am very careful to not mention my displeasure about my weight to my girls. Honestly, I don't mention it much at all because it bothers me to be bothered by my weight. I know that my worth is in no way connected to the numbers on the scale or the size of clothes I wear. So I find it beyond frustrating that I do get into moods of feeling fat, and therefore unattractive.

But it bothers me so much more that my four year old has somehow picked up the idea that people exercise so they don't get fat. I talk to them about how exercise is good for you, and how we need to eat healthy food so we feel good. Children, especially, get cranky when they've only had sugary snacks and I hope my girls understand that connection. Eating healthy food puts you in a good mood. Exercising is fun and makes you healthier. Those are the connections I want my children to have. Not that exercising helps you not get fat.

It is stressful being the mother to daughters. (I'll have to wait and see how stressful it is to be a mother to a son. Right now he's two months old and pretty relaxed.) Our society impresses these ridiculous ideals about thinness and places so much importance on appearance. It is such an unhealthy outlook, and I cringe at the thought of my girls worrying about their weight when they're older. Children can get eating disorders at the age of seven or eight. About 37% of children in elementary school have already tried dieting, and that's so ridiculous.

Children should be worrying about how much playing they can fit into recess and whether or not they can save up enough allowance to buy a new toy they have their eye on. They should not be worrying about if they have a chubby tummy or not.

I hate that our society pushes these idea on everyone and that children so young pick up on it.

As a mother I need to help my children see all the wonderful things their bodies can do for them. They can let them run really fast, experience amazing things, and allow them to go on a million adventures. How much they weigh is an unbelievably foolish way of judging a body's worth. I hope I can help my children see that.

As a writer, I hope that my stories never help perpetuate the myth of weight equaling worth. I hope the little bit of our society who read my books, even if that little bit is just friends and family, can see the power of a person emanates from who they are, not what they weigh.

Looking Ahead to 2016

The year of 2015 is quickly ending, and it's now time to think about what writing goals I have for the upcoming year.

1. Finish the first draft of my book (I still retain a small glimmer of hope at finishing it before 2015 ends, but the year is almost over so it may not happen).

2. Edit my draft, ignore my draft, edit it some more, have the two ladies who have agreed to spend their time reading it read my book and give me feedback, edit some more with that feedback, ignore book again, groan a lot, complain about all the drafts, and continue to edit and revise as many drafts as needed until it is all polished and shiny.

3. Write a query letter. Get feedback on said query, polish query.

4. Write a summary of book. Probably get feedback and polish that as well.

5. Query lots and lots of agents with query, summary, and/or specific pages of novel all depending on the individual agent's requirements.

6. Treat myself to some as yet undecided fabulousness for finishing book and querying agents. Try not to check my email every five minutes for the next six months while I wait to hear back from agents.

7. Participate in (and plan to be a winner at) NaNoWriMo again.

8. Read 30 books.

9. Start writing a new novel.

So that is what I am looking forward to achieving in regards to my writing in 2016. It will be fun!

Halfway Done with NaNoWriMo

Today is November 16, so I am officially more than halfway done with my first ever NaNoWriMo! I have written fourteen days out of those sixteen, and I have written a total of 26,975 words so far.

I have not written 1,667 words every day, but on those days when I wrote less or did not write at all, I succeeded in making up during the other days.

So here are some of my thoughts about NaNoWriMo so far:

1. I love the website. I enjoy the pep-talk messages they send me. I like getting to go and update my word count after I write. And I utterly adore that they make a little bar graph of how much I've written on what days compared with the 1,667 words a day I'm aiming for. Graphs do bring out the happy nerd in me. :)

2. I have learned that I can write way more than one scene at a time. I'm used to sitting down and writing out a scene and then having to take a break while I shift my mind from that scene to the next. I have now discovered that I can push through that and keep going with relative ease.

3. 1,667 words a day sounds unbelievably daunting, but it really isn't that bad. Sure, when it's a scene I'm struggling with or one I simply had never planned on having in the story and I have no clear sense of where it's going, it can be a bit of an effort to get the words onto the paper. But on those chapters where I know what's happening and I'm excited about what's happening, 1,667 is easily reached and passed.

4. I owe a great deal of my success staying on top of my NaNoWriMo writing to my friend Abby Schwartz, who is participating with me. Knowing that she's doing it to, us texting each other to find out when the other is writing and then checking up to see if it happened, getting to see where her word count is at on the website, all these things have been incredibly motivational to me. She holds me accountable for the writing I'm doing, and it's really helped a lot for me to persevere on those days when I honestly just want to go to bed.

5. I adore my husband. This is not a NaNoWriMo epiphany. I have an amazing husband and I'm aware of how blessed I am to have him. But my disappearing into my office after the girls go to bed and often times not coming back upstairs until after he's turned in has been a not great aspect of NaNoWriMo. I wish I was able to write earlier in the day, but my extremely pregnant self can't seem to find the energy to do much writing when it can be napping instead. My husband has never complained about this sudden decrease in our time together. I don't care for it, and I'm sure he doesn't either, but he supports my dream of being an author and I love him so much for that. And for a multitude of other reasons as well, but I'm keenly aware of that support this month.

I honestly believe I will be a NaNoWriMo winner this year. I will successfully write 50,000 words this month. And it will either finish my book or get me ridiculously close since I started NaNoWriMo with 46,500 words of my novel written (well, 46,503 to be exact). And the nerd in me also enjoys the subtraction of that 46,503 from my current word count to find out where I am in my NaNoWriMo journey.

I encourage anyone out there who wants to be an author (or already is an author but wants help motivating themselves to write another spectacular book) to participate in NaNoWriMo next year. I am having a blast!

NaNoWriMo

November is National Novel Writing Month. The goal is to write 50,000 words in the month of November, which equals 1,667 words a day. I have heard about it before, but have never thought about participating. Mainly because I have never, in the month of November, been at the start of a book. I have been writing for two Novembers, and both times had already started before NaNoWriMo began.

The same is true this year. As of right now, I have written 46,503 words in my novel. However, I expect the novel to be between 80,000 and 100,000. And I woke up this morning realizing how very close to 50,000 words that is.

I will have a brand new baby at home at the beginning of December. I had the goal of finishing this book, subsequent drafts included, before baby comes. With severe motion sickness being part of my morning sickness, coupled with an amazing amount of exhaustion, I have had months during this pregnancy when I have not sat down to write anything at all.

If I could finish the first draft of this book before my baby comes, that would be spectacular! I know I will still have all the follow-up drafts of the book, the peer reviews, and the eventual querying of agents left to juggle while taking care of a newborn, but I would be a heck of a lot closer!

So, I am going to participate in NaNoWriMo this year. I will subtract whatever my word count is from the total number of words I end each day with, so I can actually see how many words I am successfully writing in November, but I will do it!

Hopefully this will be the push I need to actually find the time and energy to get this done.

Writing, When You Absolutely Don't Feel Like It

There are lots of quotes and images out there saying exactly this. Don't wait until you are in the mood to write. Write anyway.

It is only recently that I have begun to properly understand the importance of this.

I have been writing for two years. Yes, there may be a day, or even a week, here and there when I can't really be bothered to sit down and work on my novel. But that day or week passes, and I'm right back to being in the mood to write. I find writing extremely fulfilling, and even when I hit a point where I struggle to figure out what needs to happen next (and that's usually due to the last bit I've written being wrong and needing to be fixed), I am still typically filled with the desire to write. I may struggle for a few days to figure out where my writing went wrong so I can make it right and continue on my merry way, but it doesn't last for long. The book is always there, in the back of my mind, churning and changing without my having to pay it that much attention.

Yet with this pregnancy, it hasn't been working like that. I don't know if it's pregnancy brain (I have noticed I am often incapable of thinking about two things at once, so if my mind wanders while I'm having a conversation, I have absolutely no idea what the other person is talking about. Which is not normal for me. And if you've ever sat down and had a conversation with me, you will notice it going off in a dozen directions. Which is what typically happens silently in my head while I listen to someone, only normally, I'm still paying attention to what the other person is saying. That's just not functioning for me right now) or the general exhaustion of sleeping badly while simultaneously growing a person. But, for whatever reason, that constant behind the scenes writing that usually happens throughout the day is just not happening.

So that day or week of not feeling in the mood to write stretches on to weeks and months. Maybe I sit down to write once a week, but it's not the usual, proper writing. I'm not spending the time, even when I sit down, that I usually do.

This last week, I have been trying to write anyway. To come downstairs with more than half an hour to spare, sit down at my desk, pull up my novel, and write. Regardless of whether I feel like doing it.

And it is hard! It is hard to turn off Netflix or put down the book I'm reading, to devote a solid chunk of time out of my day to write when I'm not really feeling like it.

But it is worth it.

My long-term goal is to sit down and write five days a week, but I acknowledge that right now, with the pregnancy kicking my butt like it is, that's just not doable. So my current goal is to sit down and write, properly write for at least an hour at a time, three days a week.

The first time I sat down without feeling remotely in the mood to write, it was a struggle from start to finish. The words dragged their feet as I sent them out onto the page, and there wasn't that wonderful flow that typically happens when I'm writing.

Last time, however, it clicked. It started out as difficult as ever, but partway through, the flood occurred. It was easy, it was fun, it was what I am used to writing being.

And since then, there are times when I notice the book figuring itself out in my mind. I wrote out an outline about a month ago, and it also seemed forced. But a couple of days ago, the scenes suddenly came to me that made it smoother. That slipped perfectly into my plan for the book and made it work. The only writing I did yesterday was to write down those bits and pieces and add them to the outline so I don't forget them before I reach that point.

I don't know if that churning away in the back of my mind will stop again. I still have six weeks until the baby comes. This may just be a brief reprieve. And who knows how my mind will function with a newborn waking me up at night?

But sitting down and writing, even when you desperately don't want to, is what I need to do. Working on this book is important to me. So, even if I don't feel remotely like sitting down and working on it, I will still force those words out and wait for the floodgates to open once more.