The End is in Sight!

Now, I realize once I've finished my first draft, that I am still far away from trying to get it published. I have my current list of changes to do that has grown as I've been writing the story to do. Then I need to ignore it for a week and read through it and see what I think needs to be changed at that point. Then I need to give copies to the kind people who are happy to give me feedback about it, read their feedback, and adjust as needed.

However, I have only six chapters left of my first draft! And I am extremely excited!! I got stuck on Chapter 27 yesterday, and was racking my brains in frustration about it. Eventually I sat down and worked it out backwards. I started with the last chapter and wrote down what needed to happen in it, then the one before it, etc. So now I know what needs to happen in Chapter 27, and I also know that I only have six more chapters to write before completing my first draft of my first ever book. And I am super stoked!!!!!

I am also aware that my house is completely trashed as my attention has been focused on writing and not keeping my two youngsters from destroying the place. I have dishes covering the counter by the sink, toys absolutely everywhere, and I really do need to spend some time making the house livable again. I don't mind it being a little messy: I have a four and a three year old, that's to be expected. But right now it's dirty enough that I would feel the need to apologize to anyone stopping by, so I know I need to clean it.

But, but, my book!!!

Sigh. Balancing things is hard...

Fear

Writing is scary. It is such a personal thing, and the chance of rejection is so high.

I made a point to tell my family and a few close friends about writing a book. It was scary to do so, because all of a sudden there were people out there who knew what I was doing, and would therefore know if I failed at it. I've gotten more comfortable telling people, since the people I have told have been so supportive and they all understand that it is difficult to become a published author.

I am nearing the end of my book. I am almost at the 70,000 word mark. From searching on google, I've found that science fiction/fantasy books are generally 100,000, so I still have a ways to go. But I am now writing the end section of the story. It's going fairly quickly, since I have had the end more or less planned out since the beginning, and it is fun. I have at least eight chapters left to write, and I'm enjoying myself.

But I'm also getting more afraid. Well, maybe not more afraid, but more aware of that underlying fear of rejection. Oh, I'm quite a ways away from actually looking for an agent. I have loads of revision to do on my book that have been occurring to me as I go along (ah, back in chapter 12, I should swap this to that or add this longer explanation of such a thing). But I am nearing the end of writing my book.

I understand that this is my first novel, and most people's first novels do not get published. I have another book all planned out in my head about what to write next, should this one fall through, and I certainly plan to come back to this story someday in the future, once my writing is better and I know what I'm doing more, because I think it's an excellent story and could make a wonderful book.

I also think that right now, it's an excellent story and could make a wonderful book. And I know that all authors must feel that way after they've put so much of their time, their energy, and themselves, into their writing. So, while I do think it's a good book and could be publishable, I also know that I am biased and that I will have to wait and see when the time comes.

And that is so very frightening. Even though I know I have another book all planned out, for the most part, after this one, and I know I'll persevere until I do become a published author, I also know how much it will hurt to be rejected. And now that I'm getting so close to the end of my story, I am very aware of it, and it is very scary and unnerving.

I will get through this, regardless of the outcome, as published authors everywhere have done.

Aspirations

On October 5, 2013, I got an idea for a book. Every now and then, I would consider writing a book, but I could never get it right. The beginning would elude me, or I'd be unsure how it should end. So it never got far enough to really be considered a draft of a book.

But this book idea was good. So I wrote out my ideas for it, and started writing.

It is so much fun. It's not at all what I thought writing would be like. It's significantly harder that I imagined. I can have the entire scene perfectly in my mind, but then I have to put it into words. Which is difficult to do. It is also very intimate. As I'm writing, I'm picturing the things that are happening, putting myself in the shoes of my characters, and therefore feeling the emotions of them. Certainly to a lesser degree than the characters would themselves, if they were real, but there is still an emotional connection, which I was not expecting.

It is also quite scary. Because it is so personal, it makes it so much of me. Which means that, when I've written it and edited it and am trying to get it published, rejection is going to be difficult. I'm aware of how hard it is to get published, and while I personally do feel that it is a good story and could be a happily published book, I do admit that I am fairly biased. So to take the step to say, "I am writing a book" and to mean it, is taking a huge risk. Because it might not get published. This is my first book. I may need to write quite a few more books before my writing is good enough to be published. And that rejection will hurt.

But I'll keep on trying. I have other book ideas, and if this one does not work out, I'll write something else. I'll put this one away somewhere until someday when I have figured this whole being a writer thing out, and I will pull it back out and redo it. Or perhaps I will look at it and shake my head at my naivete.

I will learn. I will improve. I aspire to be a published author. And one day, I'll make that aspiration a reality.