Fear

Writing is scary. It is such a personal thing, and the chance of rejection is so high.

I made a point to tell my family and a few close friends about writing a book. It was scary to do so, because all of a sudden there were people out there who knew what I was doing, and would therefore know if I failed at it. I've gotten more comfortable telling people, since the people I have told have been so supportive and they all understand that it is difficult to become a published author.

I am nearing the end of my book. I am almost at the 70,000 word mark. From searching on google, I've found that science fiction/fantasy books are generally 100,000, so I still have a ways to go. But I am now writing the end section of the story. It's going fairly quickly, since I have had the end more or less planned out since the beginning, and it is fun. I have at least eight chapters left to write, and I'm enjoying myself.

But I'm also getting more afraid. Well, maybe not more afraid, but more aware of that underlying fear of rejection. Oh, I'm quite a ways away from actually looking for an agent. I have loads of revision to do on my book that have been occurring to me as I go along (ah, back in chapter 12, I should swap this to that or add this longer explanation of such a thing). But I am nearing the end of writing my book.

I understand that this is my first novel, and most people's first novels do not get published. I have another book all planned out in my head about what to write next, should this one fall through, and I certainly plan to come back to this story someday in the future, once my writing is better and I know what I'm doing more, because I think it's an excellent story and could make a wonderful book.

I also think that right now, it's an excellent story and could make a wonderful book. And I know that all authors must feel that way after they've put so much of their time, their energy, and themselves, into their writing. So, while I do think it's a good book and could be publishable, I also know that I am biased and that I will have to wait and see when the time comes.

And that is so very frightening. Even though I know I have another book all planned out, for the most part, after this one, and I know I'll persevere until I do become a published author, I also know how much it will hurt to be rejected. And now that I'm getting so close to the end of my story, I am very aware of it, and it is very scary and unnerving.

I will get through this, regardless of the outcome, as published authors everywhere have done.