Waiting

I completed my fourth draft on Saturday. I actually left the house and spent a good eight hours reading through it from start to finish and polishing it up.

Now it is off in the hands of the wonderful people who have agreed to critique it for me. I'm looking forward to hearing what they have to say, but it is so very scary!

This is the first time anyone will have read my book. I have spent almost a year of my life working on it, and while I think it's a wonderful book, I am aware that others may not agree.

So now I'm just anxiously waiting. I don't know how long the critiquing will last. I haven't really given them a time when I'd like it back, although I am hoping by the end of September. I started the book in October of last year, and it seems kind of nice to polish it up all wonderfully and start looking for an agent in October of this year. Of course, I may have a lot more editing to do after I hear their feedback, so there's a decent chance it will be later than then. Still, that's my hope.

I don't really know what to do with myself. I've spent so much of this last month reading and editing and reading and editing some more.

The obvious thing would be to start my next book, but that will vary a great deal depending on if this one gets published or not. If it does, it is the first book in a trilogy, and I would begin book two. I have that book outlined and ready to begin, but I am hesitant to do so. This first book may not be good enough to get me an agent and get published, and even if it does, there may be great changes that need to be made to it that would impact the content of the second book.

If it isn't publishable, I have a couple books pretty well planned out to start writing, but again, I don't really want to start writing one and then have to stop if my book does get published. It seems jarring to stop writing a book in the middle, and it also makes it harder to really consider starting.

So I'm working on my query letter to help me find an agent. I'm doing some research for the two books I will choose between writing if this book doesn't get published. I think I will start planning out some of the prophecies that will have a big impact on the rest of the trilogy if this book does get published.

It's kind of strange to be aimless and very anxious at the same time!

Although, I expect this is nothing compared to the nerves I will feel when I'm actively trying to find an agent.

Editing Motivation

I finished my first draft of my first novel maybe three weeks ago. I expected to promptly begin editing and finish my second draft in lightning speed.

Yeah, not so much.

I pretty much did nothing with it for about a week, and I have sporadically edited since then. Granted, I'm on vacation seeing extended family I haven't seen in five years, but it's not that I'm just so incredibly busy that I can't get around to it.

It's that it's kind of boring. Writing the book, getting the story out and figuring out what should happen in which order and how I can connect event a with event q, that's incredibly fun. Editing is slowly rereading and deciding what changes ought to be made to make it flow better. And honestly, I'm not even at that point yet. I'm going through my list of changes or additions that I created while writing the first draft. After I'm done with those, I plan to ignore it for a week and then reread it and see what I think needs to change.

Writing the first draft is play. Editing is work.

Not terrible work, perfectly enjoyable work. But not the carefree joy of playing.

However, I have gotten a burst of motivation recently. I figured out an entire scene of the second book of this trilogy I'm writing. I jotted it down and put it in my book two folder I have, since I'm not going to do any writing of that anytime remotely soon, but I have found it very motivational. I'm wanting to start writing that second book.

And to do that, I have to finish the first. I have to do this cleaning up bit, then come back with a fresh mind and see what needs polishing. Then hand it off to the fabulous people who have agreed to give me constructive criticism. Then I'll need to take that constructive criticism bravely and look at their thoughts and decide if they're right or not and see what needs to be changed then.

Then I will start the scary business of trying to find an agent and get published. And perhaps then I can begin to entertain thoughts of actually starting book two.

I have edited seven out of thirty-three chapters. Just twenty-six to go!

First Draft Finished!

Last night I completed the first draft of my book. It was very exciting to finish it. Of course, my family was all asleep, so I had to celebrate with my cat (who did not approve of my picking him up and jumping around happily with him).

My book is thirty-three chapters long. It is 85,584 words long. I have spent over eight months writing this draft, and I am extremely proud of it.

That being said, I am aware that it is nowhere near done.

It's been an interesting process, writing a novel. I've had bits and pieces planned out since the beginning, including most of the last two chapters. I have made lists of what should happen when in the story, and then made different and newer versions as the book has progressed.

I have never been a person to write multiple drafts of something. Throughout high school and college, when I had a paper to write, I found it impossible to write more than one draft. I could never understand the need. As I was writing it, if something needed to be added earlier in the paper, I would simply stop and add it in. (Like this paragraph here, which I only thought of while starting the next one). I have never had a problem with writing informally. I'm fairly certain that is due to having British parents, so my way of speaking leans toward posh at time.

I started writing this book the same way as I wrote all those papers. I would write a scene and then pause (since it's remarkably difficult to move on immediately to a different scene after you've invested your mind and emotions in the first one). Next time I would write, I would reread the previous parts and edit them as needed. I did this for the first three chapters before I realized how impossible that was going to be.

When I first started writing my book, I made a list of the chapters in order to keep track of how long my chapters were and make sure they were all fairly similar in length. After that third chapter, I started making notes next to the page length of edits that occurred to me as I wrote further along.

Some of these edits are minor things. Make sure this person hands this item to so and so. Stuff that will take just a few minutes to complete. Others are more intensive. In this first draft, I had the eight year old character worrying about her father's health and thinking that perhaps he might be about to die. Now that I've completed the book, I am going to take that part out. It's not remotely important to the story, and adds worry that simply does not need to be there. That edit may take more time.

I also have plot changes that has happened as the story has progressed. Situation A that was to lead to situation B is now more smoothly reached by situation C. So that first situation needs to be written out.

I also need to add some more of the personal interaction between the adult characters than I have in my first draft. I have a couple of notes as to where to add them, and I'll see if it fits to bump that up in other spots as well.

So my current plan is to go through my book and make the changes I have thought to make while writing as well as others that spring up as I'm rereading it. Then I shall ignore it for a week or so. I may start writing a stand alone novel I've been thinking about while writing this book (which is meant to be the first in a trilogy) or perhaps I'll just read a lot of other people's books. Anyway, then I shall reread it and see what I think needs to be changed then and make those changes. At that point, I will hand off copies to my three fabulous readers who are going to give me some brilliant constructive criticism, see what they think, adjust the book as needed, and then try to find an agent who would want to represent me. Which will be very scary, but it's all part of the process. Luckily, I have enough to do before then that I'm not worrying about that at the moment.

I have no idea how long the revisions will last. But I hope it will be as rewarding as writing the first draft has been!

The End is in Sight!

Now, I realize once I've finished my first draft, that I am still far away from trying to get it published. I have my current list of changes to do that has grown as I've been writing the story to do. Then I need to ignore it for a week and read through it and see what I think needs to be changed at that point. Then I need to give copies to the kind people who are happy to give me feedback about it, read their feedback, and adjust as needed.

However, I have only six chapters left of my first draft! And I am extremely excited!! I got stuck on Chapter 27 yesterday, and was racking my brains in frustration about it. Eventually I sat down and worked it out backwards. I started with the last chapter and wrote down what needed to happen in it, then the one before it, etc. So now I know what needs to happen in Chapter 27, and I also know that I only have six more chapters to write before completing my first draft of my first ever book. And I am super stoked!!!!!

I am also aware that my house is completely trashed as my attention has been focused on writing and not keeping my two youngsters from destroying the place. I have dishes covering the counter by the sink, toys absolutely everywhere, and I really do need to spend some time making the house livable again. I don't mind it being a little messy: I have a four and a three year old, that's to be expected. But right now it's dirty enough that I would feel the need to apologize to anyone stopping by, so I know I need to clean it.

But, but, my book!!!

Sigh. Balancing things is hard...

Fear

Writing is scary. It is such a personal thing, and the chance of rejection is so high.

I made a point to tell my family and a few close friends about writing a book. It was scary to do so, because all of a sudden there were people out there who knew what I was doing, and would therefore know if I failed at it. I've gotten more comfortable telling people, since the people I have told have been so supportive and they all understand that it is difficult to become a published author.

I am nearing the end of my book. I am almost at the 70,000 word mark. From searching on google, I've found that science fiction/fantasy books are generally 100,000, so I still have a ways to go. But I am now writing the end section of the story. It's going fairly quickly, since I have had the end more or less planned out since the beginning, and it is fun. I have at least eight chapters left to write, and I'm enjoying myself.

But I'm also getting more afraid. Well, maybe not more afraid, but more aware of that underlying fear of rejection. Oh, I'm quite a ways away from actually looking for an agent. I have loads of revision to do on my book that have been occurring to me as I go along (ah, back in chapter 12, I should swap this to that or add this longer explanation of such a thing). But I am nearing the end of writing my book.

I understand that this is my first novel, and most people's first novels do not get published. I have another book all planned out in my head about what to write next, should this one fall through, and I certainly plan to come back to this story someday in the future, once my writing is better and I know what I'm doing more, because I think it's an excellent story and could make a wonderful book.

I also think that right now, it's an excellent story and could make a wonderful book. And I know that all authors must feel that way after they've put so much of their time, their energy, and themselves, into their writing. So, while I do think it's a good book and could be publishable, I also know that I am biased and that I will have to wait and see when the time comes.

And that is so very frightening. Even though I know I have another book all planned out, for the most part, after this one, and I know I'll persevere until I do become a published author, I also know how much it will hurt to be rejected. And now that I'm getting so close to the end of my story, I am very aware of it, and it is very scary and unnerving.

I will get through this, regardless of the outcome, as published authors everywhere have done.

Aspirations

On October 5, 2013, I got an idea for a book. Every now and then, I would consider writing a book, but I could never get it right. The beginning would elude me, or I'd be unsure how it should end. So it never got far enough to really be considered a draft of a book.

But this book idea was good. So I wrote out my ideas for it, and started writing.

It is so much fun. It's not at all what I thought writing would be like. It's significantly harder that I imagined. I can have the entire scene perfectly in my mind, but then I have to put it into words. Which is difficult to do. It is also very intimate. As I'm writing, I'm picturing the things that are happening, putting myself in the shoes of my characters, and therefore feeling the emotions of them. Certainly to a lesser degree than the characters would themselves, if they were real, but there is still an emotional connection, which I was not expecting.

It is also quite scary. Because it is so personal, it makes it so much of me. Which means that, when I've written it and edited it and am trying to get it published, rejection is going to be difficult. I'm aware of how hard it is to get published, and while I personally do feel that it is a good story and could be a happily published book, I do admit that I am fairly biased. So to take the step to say, "I am writing a book" and to mean it, is taking a huge risk. Because it might not get published. This is my first book. I may need to write quite a few more books before my writing is good enough to be published. And that rejection will hurt.

But I'll keep on trying. I have other book ideas, and if this one does not work out, I'll write something else. I'll put this one away somewhere until someday when I have figured this whole being a writer thing out, and I will pull it back out and redo it. Or perhaps I will look at it and shake my head at my naivete.

I will learn. I will improve. I aspire to be a published author. And one day, I'll make that aspiration a reality.