Difficulty Moving Forward

There are many things that make moving forward with your story difficult. Fear, lack of energy, a chapter that simply wont come, and more recently, a flash of genius for an earlier chapter.

I haven't yet found fear to be a strong factor in my dream to become a published author. When I had completed my first version of this book and revised it many times, I felt incredibly nervous as I sent it off to my friends to critique it. It was the first time someone other than myself was reading it, and what would they think?! Then I felt that sickening feeling in my stomach after I had sent my query letters off to agents, and that lasted for a good week or so until I realized how to rewrite it to make it a million times better. Then, all the rejection emails didn't sting so much since I had already found a different route to take with the story that will improve it tremendously. So, while the fear is there, it has yet to hinder the words getting on the page.

I am a big fan of sticker charts for myself. They help motivate me to reach my goals, and I was just noticing one from a year ago. There was proof that one year ago, I was writing almost every day. Not so these days. I've been watching two of my nephews this school year, and while I have shifted it back to three days a week from five, those three days still take an awful lot out of me. It's impossible to write in the evenings on the days when I'm exhausted from the day's activities. So, until the end of this school year, I my goal is to write twice a week, on the days I have no boys and just my sweet daughters wearing me out. Which they do, but only half as much as four of them! So far, my twice a week goal is going fairly well, and I'm pleased with it.

I have had many instances when I couldn't progress my story and I struggled to figure out why. I would close my eyes and try and make the picture appear of what should happen next, and it simply didn't work. And then I found that it was not the next chapter that was the problem, but the previous one. After reworking what I had already written, the story progressed as it should and all was well.

This morning, I had a new struggle to contend with. I have known for some time that I'm changing the world from having both witchcraft and sorcery to having sorcery alone. In making that decision, some major things need to change in the first chapter. From previously sharing that chapter with the wonderful people in my writer's group, I knew I wanted to make some changes to that chapter anyway to liven it up and make it more captivating. While I was dropping my youngest off at preschool this morning, I had a wave of understanding about how that chapter should go. What should happen, who the main character should talk to, everything. It played out in my head as I sat in the waiting room at my chiropractor, and continued polishing itself up as I drove across town to run some errands.

I had decided to come home and write it out right away, and then I, with some difficulty, decided not to. I have jotted it all down in an outline, and I will write it up once I have finished my first draft, but not right now.

When I first began writing the first version of this story a year and a half ago, I would reread the previous chapters and edit them before continuing on. I did this until there was too much written for it to be reasonable, and then I stopped. I'm glad I did, for two reasons. The obvious time restraint was one. Clearly, I cannot reread and edit the entire 80,000 word novel each time I sit down, or there will never be any time for the writing itself.

Secondly, and this is something I was not expecting when I sat down at my keyboard with my completed outline, the story changes. It moves and adapts all on its own, and I look down with some surprise at what has occurred so unexpectedly in the story. Unexpected, but very welcome. I know now that my story will change, and I will write countless new outlines to incorporate the new gems that appear without warning. Editing the previous chapters when I have yet to determine exactly where the story will end up is foolish. My notes of what needs to be edited change as the story changes, and it saves me so much time to not put them into practice until the story has finished telling itself.

So, I have half a page of detailed notes on what should happen, as of now, in the first chapter of my story. Part of me is disappointed not to get them on the page immediately, but the rest of me is filled with a renewed drive to complete the remaining half of the story so I can return and rewrite and perfect how this novel begins.